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Struggle Throwback | #ThrowbackSaturday

August 22, 2017

Struggle TBS

Original Post April 24, 2017

Ok, we are one week down and Day 8 topic is a serious one that I will attempt to be as honest as possible.  Today is about sharing something that I struggle with, and that struggle is with my weight.  If you know anything about caring extra weight you know that there is usually something more than just being lazy.  For me it is something a lot deeper that I had to connect with in order to now embrace the struggle along the way to loose the weight.

That reason that I struggle is the unwanted attention that seems to come my way.  The added weight seemed to keep certain things at bay, but it came at cost, a huge life trade off.  At times the short term pay off is worth the long term negative return on the initial investment in staying in an unhealthy weight and mental state.  The weight gave me a shield, a huge wall, barb wire and all, but over time the wall was also keeping out other things along the way that I wanted and needed.

It wasn’t until this past summer, last year that I can to terms with not allowing the perceived annoyances keep me from being the best version of myself.  I mean really allowing myself to be comfortable in a body that was unhealthy and honestly would piss me off every time summer would roll around and I was in the same place of being overweight, fat and sooooo unhappy.  The struggle lies in how unwanted attention can be beyond draining at times.  I mean I just want to be able to go about my day without having to hear what you think about me as I go about my day.  No, I don’t think I am all that, I am just trying to get my grocery shopping done in peace and just because I don’t respond to you commenting on how you feel about seeing what your eyes have told your mouth what to say without advising your heart first, then yeah…that.

I decided that it was time to do this for me and realized that I have no control over what other people say or do.  To never allow the fact that I can’t change others keep me stuck in an unhappy space and place.  I also made a conscious acknowledgement on the places that caused me the most stress when going about my day and avoiding those places because they just were not a healthy environment for my mental well being, that was bleeding into my physical.

I once thought that it was me running away, but that just was NOT true.  If you know that certain places that you choose to walk into causes you stress when there are other options, why even put yourself in a toxic environment.  Set those standards for yourself and if a place does not provide you with a safe feeling needed to exist for you and within yourself, seek the nearest exit and don’t look back.  The key is to not allow yourself to stop living, when there are options that provide you with the breathe of life you need and require.

So as I embrace the struggle of it all,  I have learned that I have to put my needs before others, and that I have absolutely no power to change others, and honestly the time and energy to attempt to.  To focus on the change that I can control, the power to make choices will always be there.  Don’t forget that it’s there for US at all times, it has always been there.

Much Love,

Nic

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